This is the Day the Lord Has Made

I really wanted to post something about my Dad on the 30th, but just couldn't bring myself to do it. In the past, I have found it very theraputic to blog on the "sad days" but on this anniversary of his death I just couldn't find words. I blame a lot of it on pregnancy hormones, but most of it is just that I really really miss him.

The thought that continually ran through my head the week of Christmas and the anniversary of our loss, was that even that day was the day the Lord had made. Even though I think the verse in Psalm 118 is talking about a specific day, the Lord did still make each day. He determined before hand what things would take place on those days. He knew, before my Dad was even created in his mothers womb, that December 30th, 2006. would be the day he would join Him in eternity. Even the worst day of my life, was the day (and the way) the Lord had made it.

I continually have to remind myself that this great loss was not meant as evil towards me (or my family), but was meant for good for my Dad. Even though it doesn't take the pain away, or even make it less... it is still good for me to remember that my God is GOOD and not evil.

Thank you to all who remembered me on the 30th. I am just overwhelmed sometimes by the love and kindness of the people of God. You are all such a blessing to me! I have thought a lot about the number of people who blessed me at the time of Dad's death. Some in very practical ways, some with words, some with prayer, some with stories and memories, and some with shared tears... it's still an overwhelming thought! And the Lord continues to burden people's hearts to bless me even 3 years later!

My heart aches for Andy and Jenica as they have very fresh and real grief right now. Each loss is unique and painful in a specific way. No one can completely understand another's loss, but we can commit to pray the best we can for those who's arms are empty tonight. Please pray for this wonderful couple as they miss their sweet Daisy.

Somedays...

Somedays I'm doing okay.

Somedays I feel like my heart is being ripped right out of my chest.

Hope vs Reality

My Dad really had a thing for t-shirts and hats that "served a purpose". For just about every holiday/birthday I would buy him one. The hat above was one of his favorites because it generated SO MANY conversations about the Lord. He loved that and always took advantage of the opportunity to share the gospel.

On Tuesday, our friends had the hard task of burying one they loved very much. I wept with them and for them, but I also just wept. So many things the speaker said still applied to me or made me think about my Dad. The speaker did such a great job of encouraging the family that it is okay to cry, to mourn, to miss this one they loved. He also made the comment that this one they loved had always believed there was a heaven, but now she KNEW there was a heaven. I had just never really thought about the fact that my Dad's Hope was now his Reality. That was just such a wonderful thought to me.

I can't wait for my Hope to become my Reality.

But if we hope for what we do not see, with perserverance we wait eagerly for it. Romans 8:25

He Was Simple. He Was Genuine.

My Dad was simple, but he was genuine. I love that about him. Mom and I cleaned out some things from Dad's shop Monday. We came across some notes of his. I think they must have been something he shared during one of the meetings at church. Here is one that even though it made me miss him terribly... just really ministered to my heart.

This morning I would like to share with you something from a very small word, but with such a huge meaning. Joy.
Last week I began to learn the power of prayer. Through that power I just praise God for the day to day growth he allows. And the Joy and sense of security he gives. There's no Joy on this earth, from worldly source, like the Joy that glows in the heart of a believer in Jesus Christ. The Word of God has the power to produce joy. In Jeremiah 15:16 it says "Thy words were found, and I did eat them; and Thy word was unto me the joy and rejoicing of mine heart." And Jesus said in John 15:11 "These things have I spoken unto you, that My joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full." It's very clear the fullness of joy comes through the Word of God. This joy comes as we feed on the Word of God and as the Word of God is engraved in our hearts by the power of the Holy Spirit. Patience, comfort, and hope also come from the Word. I thank God so much for these. Romans 15:4 says, "For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope."

Coupon

I was going through our bookcase to see if there were any books we never read that I could get sell. I pulled out this book of poems by Amy Carmichael and saw that there were several bookmarks in it. I opened it up at one of the bookmarks and this is what I found:

Mom made me this little coupon booklet one year for my birthday (before I was married). I had really wanted this modern, steel bed frame I had seen in a magazine. Dad said he could make it for me really easily. So, that was one of the birthday "coupons" I received. I never did redeem it, though. I really hate it when I let coupons expire...

The poem that this was bookmarking, was:

I Will Refresh You
Heart that is weary because of the way,
Facing the wind and the sting of the spray,
Come unto Me, and I will refresh you.

Heart that has tasted of travail and toil,
Burdened for souls whom the foe would despoil,
Come unto Me, and I will refresh you.

Heart that is frozen -- a handful of snow,
Heart that is faded -- a sky without glow,
Come unto Me, and I will refresh you.

Heart that is weary, O come unto Me.
Fear not, whatever the trouble may be;
Come unto Me, and I will refresh you.

Coincidence? I don't believe in those.

Why Do These Things Happen?

Josh and I were walking through Woodward Park today and as we were leaving, I walked over this:



"Pa" is what we called my Dad. So, why do things like this happen? Is it just chance or coincidence that I would walk over that word just randomly on the sidewalk? Why did I even notice it? I don't really know. I think, but I don't know... Well, regardless, it was reason for me to smile today. And take a photo. And realize I need to paint my toe nails. Or not wear flip flops.

Thank you Lord for sidewalks that say "Pa".

In the Mood to Remember

I have been in the mood to remember fun things about my Dad. Sometimes it is just really hard and painful to remember, but other times it's just fun. Since this has always seemed to be my outlet for these things, I thought I would share some memories. Here are the first 5 that popped in my head today. Those of you who knew him might enjoy these. Please share funny stories of him that you might have!

**When I was little and would have friends over, he would always ask them their name. They would tell him and then he would say “Harold? Your name is Harold?” They would get so frustrated and repeat their name. He would finally just laugh and say “okay, have fun Harold.”

**He LOVED to scare us. I can think of two really funny (now they’re funny) incidents and both involve my cousin Jenn Hall. One night we were jumping on the trampoline (at night) which was out behind our house. We had a wrap around deck, so Dad climbs under the deck at the front of the house and crawls all the way around to the back. Then, he jumps out screaming as loud as he can. I just screamed and fell on the trampoline, but Jenn flew off the trampoline screaming at the top of her lungs and started running away as fast as she could. I think he almost threw up he was laughing so hard. The other incident was when we were about 9 and were in the process of moving onto our land out in the boonies. Jenn and I convinced my parents to let us sleep in the trailer out there all alone. We couldn’t believe they let us! We were doing fine and having fun playing when we heard a knock at the door. Jenn falls to the floor in a panic (Jenn, you were a chicken!) and I was scared, but still (stupidly) just walked to the door. I didn’t see anyone. This happened about 3 times. I was starting to panic too. Finally the last time I peeked out I could see my mom hiding by the porch. Apparently Dad would knock and then jump off the porch. They were watching us through the window! Mom finally felt bad enough that she let us see her. Needless to say, we went home with them. Dad said what he really wanted to do was to climb through one of the back bedroom windows with a white sheet on and come running down the hall. I think we would have just fallen over dead! Thankfully, Mom was with him and wouldn’t let him be that mean.

**While driving in the car, he loved to lean over and wave at no one. Then, he would crack up when you looked to see who he was waving at. People usually only fell for it once. Jamie (April’s sis) always fell for it, which just egged him on!

**Another car thing of his was to ask you if you knew how many people were dead in that cemetery. The response was usually a number like 250, or something. He would then reply “all of them.” The next time you were with him, he’d ask the same question but making sure there was someone alive walking around in the cemetary. Thinking we were on to him, we would say “all of them.” Then, he would reply “no, that person is alive.” Then, he’d do his “hee hee” ornery laugh.

**He was so much fun out on the lake! He loved to get people out on the tube and try to throw them as far and hard as he could. It was SO much fun! Probably the most fun I have ever had was out on the lake with him.

This was fun. Maybe I will do a "remembering him" day each week... I'll have to think about that.

Happy Heavenly Birthday

Today is my Dad's birthday. I have been thinking back and laughing at how hard it was to find a gift every year for my Dad. We would ask him what he wanted and he would always say something like socks or handkerchiefs, or he would just say "oh, I don't need a thing... so don't worry about it". I usually just made him peanut butter cookies and got him something silly like a John Wayne DVD.

I know he was never disappointed in the gifts we gave him, but I have been thinking about 1 Peter 2:6 a lot today. It says "he who believes in Him will not be disappointed". I just keep thinking about how NOT disappointed he is in the gift of Salvation that he received. I know that all of us that believe in the Lord as our Savior are not disappointed, but my Dad truly understands the meaning of that verse right now!

Happy birthday, Dad.

How Can It Be...

...that she will never know him? I just have felt so overwhelmed with that thought. We drove out to the cemetery today because I just felt like I needed to take Sophie out there. I know that "he" isn't there, but the part of him that would hold her and tickle her and love on her is there.

I sit and wonder if he can see her. If he can see how much we miss him. Obviously I can't think outside of my human capacity. Maybe he can, maybe he can't. Maybe it wouldn't really matter if I could know all things. I just feel so tired of being sad and confused. I feel so tired of missing him. I really, honestly thought that by now it wouldn't hurt so much and that I wouldn't still cry so much! Sometimes it's just so frustrating. I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that it's been 2 years since I have talked to my Dad. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday and other times I struggle to remember what he sounds like.

I do have to say that once again, the anticipation of the "day" was much worse than the actual "day". This past week has been really hard. Then, today comes and it wasn't anything like I thought it would be! I know that it was because the Lord heard the prayers of some wonderful people. I was so blessed by the many people telling me that they remembered and were praying. I have some pretty great friends and family. Thank you. I love you.

Today as we were driving through the country I was thinking back to the days right after Dad died. I remembered going through this little bag of "things" he had saved. They were things I had given him and he kept them in his sock drawer. As I was going through the bag, I pulled out a little booklet and noticed that there was something inside it. It was a toothpick. My Dad loved toothpicks. Of course, I started to cry because I had forgotten about how he liked toothpicks. Josh reminded me that things don't just happen. I'm so thankful to the Lord for that little toothpick. Isn't that funny how something small and silly like that could be so special. Even though I struggle to understand why all this has happened and question the Lord at times, He is still so good to give me these little, special things like toothpicks.

Sugar Booger Designs

Well, it has begun and I am nervous... I have officially decided to sell my creations under the name of Sugar Booger Designs. I chose this name in memory of my Dad. He called me Sugar Booger up until the day he died. This will always be so special to me.

I have been feeling pretty down lately and needed something to be happy about. So, I thought "what better time than now (on Christmas day) to get this thing going"!

My goal is to keep the blog updated on a regular basis with fun facts, tutorials, projects, and maybe even "give aways"! I hope to also open up a shop on Etsy to sell some of my "creations". I'm just praying that this will be a fun distraction plus a way to earn a little extra moolah.

I would love to also feature other people's creativity. So, if you have anything fun that you are working on and want to show it off, receive a little encouragement, and well, just give me something to post about... send it my way!

Daddy's Girls

Finally Home

Thanks, Mom. This is such a pretty song!

Finally Home by Mercy Me

Still the Same

This post on Radical Womanhood really ministered to me today.

These three lines really stood out to me:
"Father, don't ever let me look at my life and question Your love for me. Your love for me was settled on the cross. That has never changed and will never change."

No matter what your circumstances are, God's love never changes. The cross, the death of Jesus Christ, and His resurrection are God's final, total, and complete expression that He loves you. Never allow your heart to question God's love.

His triumph does not mean our trials are over in this life, but they are most certainly driving to a glorious conclusion. Let us fix our eyes on that certainty, instead of the momentary tribulations of this brief life.

I just love that no matter what I feel and how things may DRASTICALLY change in my life, He is always the same. He still died for me. He still loves me. He is still on the throne. I may feel completely broken and unable to even put my feet on the ground, but He is still the same Lord and Savior to me that he was 2 years ago. This doesn't take away my sorrows and my pain, but I think it is so good to remind myself (outloud) that even so... I still know these things to be true.

Conversation With God

Tonight I found myself having a not so silent conversation with the Lord. I just kept saying "WHY"? Then, all of the sudden, I recalled the many times I had had that conversation with my Dad. His answer was usually "because I said so". And that was the end of the conversation as far as he was concerned.

I just took this as the Lord's way of saying to me "because I said so, and that is enough". End of conversation.

Ever feel this way? :o)

Small Town Southern Man

I have been missing my Dad so much these past few weeks. I hate it that he won't be at my little girls first birthday. My Mom pointed this song out me. It reminds us SO much of my Dad! They wouldn't let me imbed the video here, but here is the link if you're interested. Those of you who knew him will understand why we like this so much.

Small Town Southern Man
Born the middle son of a farmer
And a small town Southern man
Like his daddy's daddy before him
Brought up workin' on the land
Fell in love with a small town woman
And they married up and settled down
Natural way of life if you're lucky
For a small town Southern man

First there came four pretty daughters
For this small town Southern man
Then a few years later came another
A boy, he wasn't planned
Seven people livin' all together
In a house built with his own hands
Little words with love and understandin'
From a small town Southern man

Chorus:
And he bowed his head to Jesus
And he stood for Uncle Sam
And he only loved one woman
(He) was always proud of what he had
He said his greatest contribution
Is the ones you leave behind
Raised on the ways and gentle kindness
Of a small town Southern man
(Raised on the ways and gentle kindness)
(Of a small town Southern man)

Callous hands told the story
For this small town Southern man
He gave it all to keep it all together
And keep his family on his land
Like his daddy, years wore out his body
Made it hard just to walk and stand
You can break the back
But you can't break the spirit
Of a small town Southern man

Finally death came callin'
For this small town Southern man
He said it's alright 'cause I see angels
And they got me by the hand
Don't you cry, and don't you worry
I'm blessed, and I know I am
'Cause God has a place in Heaven
For a small town Southern man

He is Still On the Throne

(I read this on a blog that Marcie introduced me to call Bring the Rain. What she wrote was such a needed reminder to me this week.)

His name is Jesus, and He gives.
His name is Jesus, and He takes away.
And in all of the wondering why some is the former and some is the latter, we know this to be true, whether we are grieving or rejoicing.
He is still on the throne.

Road Trip

Today was a beautiful day, so we decided to take a little road trip to the Tall Grass Prairie Preserve in Pawhuska. It's one of Josh's favorite places and Sophie had yet to experience it.

Here she is checking out her first buffalo sighting. She was more interested in the truck steering wheel...


We took a little hike (in a non-buffalo zone) and I remembered how out of shape I am!






Blast the full sun! Worst time of the day to take pictures. Oh well.


And then there is the grass. Lot's of grass.


We finished off our day eating at Bad Brad's. YUM! My favorite BBQ joint discovered by my Dad about 13 years ago. If ever we had the option of eating out, Bad Brad's was our first choice even if it was an hour drive. It was definitely my Dad's favorite place to eat. It even inspired the design of the house we built in Cleveland! So, anyway, we had to take a picture of Sophie's first trip to Bad Brad's. Wish Pa could have been there...

Randy Bear

For my birthday after Dad died, Wendy got me a gift card to Build A Bear. I always talked about how I wanted to go (remember I have an obsession with stuffed animals - ask Josh, he will verify). Anyway, I never remembered to take the card with me when I was at the mall until last week. It was the perfect time. We're coming up on a rough time of year (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Anniversary of his death, and his birthday) so this was so theraputic. I was so thankful that Marcie was with me because she understood how special this was to me.


My dad was a cowboy at heart and up until just a few years ago, always wore boots and a hat. So, I thought it appropriate that Randy Bear be a cowboy. Isn't he so cute?!


Apparently Sophie doesn't share my stuffed animal obsession. She would rather chew on Josh's toes.

Random

I was just in the mood to look at photos of my Dad and this photo never fails to amaze me. Can you imagine doing this every day as your job?! In 100+ degree weather or in the middle of a freezing rain storm (Seriously. Their feet were freezing to the ladders)! Crazy. Such a hard worker and good provider for our family.

A Stroll Down Memory Lane

While Josh was out catching fish last weekend, I decided to take a stroll down memory lane. I just wandered around the old homestead and took a few photos to store away in my collection of memories. My Mom will eventually have to sell this place... it will be hard, but I think it will be another little bit of closure.

(I tried to post a slideshow of the photos, but couldn't get it to work. My patience ran out... so here's a link if you want to see my "stroll".)